Have you ever had one of those days where you couldn’t get anything done because a hurtful situation was on instant replay in your mind? Maybe it was a bad review of your book or an emotional conversation with a friend or being treated unfairly at work or your kids not listening to you for the thousandth time.
That was me today. And with the release of 18 Thoughts, the final book in my 18 Things trilogy, coming in January, I thought today was good training. Because while I know plenty of people will LOVE the ending of my book, just as many could hate it. Knowing how to handle criticism is essential in life and especially if you want to last in the publishing business.
My initial reaction to criticism is usually the need to tell my side of the story, to prove I’m right and they’re wrong. But this holiday season, as I listen to my favorite Christmas carol, Silent Night, it’s been a reminder to find a quiet place before I respond instead . . . whether it’s eating lunch in my classroom while listening to my iTunes, taking the dog around the block, reading a book in my bedroom, enjoying a relaxing bubble bath, playing around on Pinterest, or sitting quietly on my back porch. Why? Because in the quiet, things make more sense. Having some quiet time brings me to a more rational place where I can respond to the situation with truth. Because in the quiet, I’m able to put myself in the other person’s shoes and understand why they said what they did, even if I don’t agree with it.
One thing I’ve learned over the years is even though multiple people are involved in the same situation, nobody sees things from the same perspective. So when we’re dealing with high emotions, whether it’s in a real relationship or with our book boyfriends, keep that in mind. Give your friend, coworker, family member, fellow author, or book reviewer the benefit of the doubt before you criticize them or respond to their criticism (and by the way, I’m a firm believer that you shouldn’t ever respond to a mean book review).
With my next book release, I hope to stay ahead of the game by scheduling in some relaxation during the six week media blitz. Maybe if I pencil in some down time to relax and breathe, I’ll be able to respond with integrity when someone criticizes me because I’m not already pulling myself in a million different directions.
This has been a post for the Insecure Writer’s Support Group, the brainchild of Alex J. Cavanaugh. We meet around the blogosphere the first Wednesday of every month. Feel free to join us anytime and thanks to this month’s wonderful co-hosts:
And before I go, I wanted to give a shout out to my Curiosity Quills publishing sister, Sharon Bayliss. She has a shiny new cover out, take a look:
|
|||
|
Jamie Ayres 
Excellent post. Very well said.
Great insights, Jamie!
This holds true, I think, any time I am tempted to post or comment in a negative way about something on the Internet. When emotions run high, there is a tendency to lash out in a hurtful way, and as writers we know very well the power of the words we wield.
I’m looking forward to reading 18 Thoughts, and I hope you keep writing stories after that!
I’m looking forward to people reading it! I’m trying to find the time to keep writing . . . I do love it!
Congrats to Sharon!
#sighs …. I’m notorious for replaying bad feelings in my mind. I swear I’m addicted to self torture. It’s really, really hard for me to accept when someone doesn’t like me or my work. I mean, I’m nice and understanding of others shortcomings. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that others don’t always do the same. Though, over the last few years, I’ve learned to be more gentle on myself about my writing. If someone doesn’t like it that’s not a personal reflection on me. It could be their tastes, etc… Of course, I must stay open to suggestions to improve myself.
Amen to all that . . . and the way someone criticizes someone else says a lot about THAT person. A lot of times harsh words actually have nothing to do with us 🙂
Excellent advice. Sometimes stepping back for a while and letting the criticism sink in help. I had the luck to paired with Joan Barfoot as a mentor in a writing correspondence course. She told me that when she receives a critique of a manuscript, she always let it sink in first before she sits down and works on the comments.
Great post Jamie. Important stuff for work and everyday life.
That’s a good plan. When we get that tough criticism, we need a moment to pause and think, let the emotions calm.
And ready to help you with your upcoming release!
Thanks, Head Ninja Captain!! ❤
Handling criticism well is a bit like constructively using bad things from our past. There’s a line in the Pete Townshend album Psychoderelict, which is built around a radio play, that goes, “Remember, you don’t have to bury the past or the pain. You can USE it.”
Absolutely! No matter what the outcome of the situation, we can choose to use it for good 🙂
Great post. I found myself in a similar situation recently, when my short story was rejected by a magazine. I tried to listen to the critique and wrote about my experience for the IWSG post today.
Jamie, I think you handle crisis and crits better than anyone I know on the net. You have weathered storms of your own and for other people and I am certain that whatever else comes your way, you will handle them with ease.
Yes, listen to calming music, have a few laughs, enjoy the Holiday season and keep doing what you do … because you make other people smile 🙂
You are unfailingly too kind, Florence. Merry Christmas, xoxo 🙂
This is a subject most people in a creative field could relate to. It’s funny, too, that even if we receive 1,000 compliments and one criticism, we’ll only hear the criticism!
And eat! Don’t forget eat. LOL
Sharon’s cover is beautiful.
I’m careful how I respond to criticism. Online, I don’t respond at all. In person, I’ll accept criticism quietly and thoughtfully. If I accept it, it’s food for thought and change, and if not I’ll find a way to defend myself.
Wise words. It is always best not to respond to criticism and understand that it happens to the best of us.
Sharon’s book sounds great!
Stepping back before responding, or even stepping back and deciding not to respond is often the best way to move on from hurtful comments.
Very true. Nothing good comes of responding to something in the heat of anger.