Dear God, WHY?

The cancer is back!?! Some of you will remember I ran a marathon in February of 2009 to raise money for Team Blake, my cousin’s son who was diagnosed with Pre B ALL Leukemia. He’s been in remission for two years but this past Wednesday the doctor’s found something and feared the worst, that the cancer was in his bones and he’d need a bone marrow transplant. As I sat down to tell my two girls, Kaylee asked me, “But mom, why would God give Blake cancer again?” To which I responded, “Honey, God doesn’t give people cancer.” And she goes, “But He allows it to happen, why?!?” I searched for answers . . . b/c we live in a fallen world with free will I guess. The truth is, at 31-years-old, I dunno. I do know His ways are not our ways and we can’t see the big picture like Him, but I have faith in His ways nonetheless and we need to trust Him whether in sickness or health.


And I know we have lots to be thankful for no matter what our circumstances. We can’t have it both ways: praising Him for the good but then blaming Him for the bad. He doesn’t will trouble, what good would He gain? We are His children, and no parent wants to see their children suffer. But fortunately, because we are children of the King, He can turn our bad around for His good. When we put our trust and hope in the God who cannot fail us, it produces a faith that endures the “unfair stuff” we’ll face in the race of life. Jesus understands our hurt, fears, and anger because he’s been there and is here to direct our steps. Psalm 34:4 says, “I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.”

The Hulliberger Family at Give Kids the World Village in Orlando

Blake’s test results came back Friday and yes, the cancer’s back. The silver lining: it’s not as bad as they thought. They caught it early so it hasn’t spread to his bones. He will be readmitted to the hospital to start radiation on Tuesday, probably for two weeks, which still sucks but is much better than 3 months for a transplant. I pray God’s will for Blake Hulliberger will include a great healing and cancer will NEVER return again in Jesus name!!! And to my daughter Kaylee, I may not know why God has allowed Blake and his family to deal with this problem. But I’m thankful the Hulliberger’s know how to do more than just ‘deal.’ As Christ followers, we will pray in complete dependence to the God of all hope.

11 comments on “Dear God, WHY?

  1. Ugh…I’m so sorry Jamie for you and your cousin’s family and precious little Blake! I hope they find a cure soon and put more money towards childhood cancers!! No parent should ever have to go through that. I can’t imagine. I’ll definitely say some extra prayers for them and check in on their blog.

  2. Oh, Jamie. I can’t believe it. We will all keep Blake in our prayers. My heart hurts right now. I have a little boy in my class this year that has just finished up his treatments and is in remission now. (It was cancer in his mouth!) He wears his hat still and has already missed a few days of school to fly to Jacksonville. It is so hard to understand the WHY when children are sick. Thinking of you……

  3. So sorry to hear about Blake. Will keep him in my prayers. Jamie, you most definately have a way with words. Wisdom beyond your years.

  4. The why is the most difficult part isn’t it? I guess it is part of his story! I cried as I read your blog, his illness touches so many people that I love including you, Kaylee, Ashley and Dan. Linda is so sad that it upsets me.

  5. Oh Jamie… as I read what you wrote, to everyone and to your daughters, about Blake, I give thanks to God for you, for your understanding, and for your ability to help us all understand – or make sense of this. Prayer, and the love of our Lord, is a powerful part of who we are… let us all pray not just for answers, but for this little child and all children who find themselves faced with this horrible disease. God Bless you honey… you are wise beyond your years! Love you…

  6. Your words are a wonderful reminder that God does HEAL, He gives us strength, and He’s always there….we may not understand things that happen around us….but HE IS THERE! Keep the Faith and God Bless little Blake, his family, and friends, as he fights this battle.

  7. Jamie, How is it going? What’s the latest? Thank you for writing on this important and personal story and journey. Your writing provokes the Truth on. Love you!

  8. Here’s the latest update from my cousin Kristeen, Blake’s mom:

    Blake’s tumor has not gotten any smaller so as his nurse said go BIG or Go Home so that is what they are doing going Big. Today he got his chemo I think it is the one that made his hair fall out last time so we will see how he does. We are going impaction on Oct. 12th for 5-6 days where he will get the high doses of Chemo. They said it makes kids nautious and sometimes very sick. SO that will drop his counts to Zero immune system. Dr. said we would be giving Blake shots in the Leg at home to help boost it back in time to get the radiation the next week. So all in all it looks like a very BIG month around here. He is feeling well today and his spinal tap went well also. MC sports was at the hospital and did some fun games with the kids and gave them a goodies bag of stuff it was fun.

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