Dear Ms. Resciniti –
In researching you, I read you are interested in books with a blend of
action and sexual tension. As such, I am offering my
75,000 word young adult novel, AWAKEN, for your consideration.
Tallulah Marten is a seventeen-year-old girl skilled in hand to hand
fighting, evasion tactics and escaping any restraint. When she begins
to dream of the destruction of Atlantis, Lou is thrown into a
situation she can’t fight, evade or escape.
Lou and her mother, Jenny, have been on the run for fourteen years,
zig-zagging across the country to avoid capture by Lou’s father. What
Lou doesn’t realize is Jenny isn’t protecting her from a legal custody
battle. She’s keeping her from becoming a pawn in an Atlantean civil
war. Lou is a descendent of Poseidon, a demigoddess with the gift of
prophecy. As Lou’s eighteenth birthday approaches, her visions gain
strength, and Jenny can no longer hide the truth.
When Jenny is poisoned and the only cure is to find an ancient
Atlantean crystal, Lou gives up her running shoes and makes nice with
her mother’s family. Once there, she has to learn to control her power
and interpret her visions. If that isn’t enough to deal with, she also
has to put up with the smokin’ hot bodyguard who insists on following
her everywhere, gods who speak in cryptic messages and pop-in visits
by a father who insists he’s not as bad as everyone tells her. Before
time runs out on Jenny’s life, Lou must decide who she can believe.
Because trusting the wrong side could end more than her mother’s life.
It could end the world.
AWAKEN has been a finalist in the Maggie contest for unpublished
writers and received first place in the Molly contest for unpublished
writers. The judge from the Molly, Elizabeth Bistrow from NAL, has
requested the full. I believe AWAKEN will appeal to fans of Rick
Riordan’s PERCY JACKSON series, Diana Peterfreund’s RAMPANT and
ASCENDANT and Meg Cabot’s ABANDON. AWAKEN is intended as the first in
a trilogy but can stand alone. I am an active member of the Romance
Writers of America and the young adult chapter of the RWA. During the
day, I work as a high school counselor trying to keep teenagers in
school and earning credits instead of running off on mythical
adventures.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Tasha Hacaga
Jamie Ayres 
I like your premise, though I was unsure it was a YA fantasy, so I kept getting confused (make sure you state the genre going in, as you’re leading off with that information). Also, the section about your contest win might be restructured.
“AWAKEN has been a finalist in the Maggie contest for unpublished writers and received first place in the Molly contest for unpublished writers. The judge from the Molly, Elizabeth Bistrow from NAL, has requested the full.”
AWAKEN won the Maggie contest for unpublished writers and is currently under consideration by the ___ Agency. (I might even move this to the top.)
Good luck with this!
I love your comparisons and I love the last line of your summary–really demonstrates that the stakes are high! That last line of your bio lets your personality shine through, too:) Nice job!
Oh yeah, I was TOTALLY thinking about Percy Jackson. It’s nice to hear the story from a female demigod’s POV. Sounds interesting and I’d be interested in seeing your work. Best of luck 🙂
Awesome job. If it were me, I’d move the first para down to the bottom, and condense the awards a little bit. I would also just mention the awards won, not finaled. (Though congrats on both!) Really a terrific premise – I bet it’s a great book! Nicely done!!
Oooh! Sweet. J You personalized this (nice touch) and nailed all the main points of a query—summary, word count, pertinent information. Nice job. Congrats on the Maggie. This is exactly the kind of query I like to see in my inbox. I would LOVE to see this!
Oh…wow! It’s pretty hard to write something intelligent sounding while jumping around :). Thanks to everyone who submitted comments so far and Jamie for offering this opportunity. The tips on cleaning up my contest paragraph are particularly helpful. Big thanks, too, to Nicole for using the word LOVE in conjunction with my manuscript! Many good book wishes for all of you!
You’ve written a fantastic query which could only mean you’ve written a kickass novel, as well! You deserve another request for a full. Well done and congratulations!