Query Entry #3

Dear Mrs. Resciniti,

Tragedy teaches Jessica Ford to trust her instincts. After taking the blame for her mom’s car accident, she vows to never second-guess herself again. Yet, inheriting a telekinetic power from an ancient star turns the 15-year-old’s life topsy-turvy once more.

Fated to lead Jessie and her über friends, self-assured Solen Winthrop prepares her for her destiny to stop a tsunami. But when the price of losing him is at stake, she will have to make the ultimate decision. And the race against time begins.

Soul Choice is my contemporary YA Paranormal novel, in a series of three, complete at 77,000 words best described as a forbidden love meets The Day After Tomorrow.

I am a member of Romance Writers of America, including specialty chapters of Long Island Romance Writers, Dunes and Dreams Romance Writers and Young Adult RWA, earning my PRO pin in the interim. I guest-blog for LIRW and have contributed articles for publication in their newsletter.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

 Tuere Morton

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13 comments on “Query Entry #3

  1. This is interesting, but although agents prefer short, punchy queries I feel that yours is a bit too vague, and could use more details and a stronger hook. The bit about her being blamed for her mother’s accident is interesting and raises questions, but then when you suddenly throw the curve ball about Jessie inheriting telekinesis from an ancient star I was confused. The two sentences seem to be completely unrelated and I can’t see how she goes from one point to the other.

    I’m gathering that Solen is kind of like her guide/mentor, but it would be nice to know more about him. The last sentence suggests that some kind of relationship forms between them, so it would be important for you to work up some more interest about him as well as Jessie.

    I have little to no experience with querying, so please take my comments at face value. Good luck!

  2. Good start, but I’m confused on certain parts.

    “Tragedy teaches Jessica Ford to trust her instincts. After taking the blame for her mom’s car accident, she vows to never second-guess herself again.”

    “Yet, inheriting a telekinetic power from an ancient star turns the 15-year-old’s life topsy-turvy once more.”

    These two sections seem unrelated. The first part makes me interested to know why she took the blame for her mom’s car accident. But then she’s inheriting powers and the car accident seems to be dropped.

    “Fated to lead Jessie and her über friends, self-assured Solen Winthrop prepares her for her destiny to stop a tsunami. But when the price of losing him is at stake, she will have to make the ultimate decision. And the race against time begins.”

    I’m assuming Jessie is Jessica? Why the name change? Also, I thought we were going along on Jessica’s journey, but then it switches to a new character (Solen). I had to read this part twice because I thought we were talking about Solen losing “him” and didn’t know who the him was.

    Try to center your query on the main points of your novel. Who is important and what obstacle must they overcome? Right now I’m not sure if it’s Jessica’s journey, Solen’s journey, or how Jessica’s destiny ties in to your first sentences.

    Good luck with this!

  3. Dear Ms. Resciniti,

    Jessica Ford blames herself for her mom’s car accident after failing to keep her from harm’s way. While coming to grips with the tragedy, the fifteen-year-old is determined to rely on her instincts from now on. However, the funny thing about instincts is that they give rise to more than natural impulses. They can also awaken a dormant telekinetic power inherited from an ancient star.

    And if that wasn’t enough, the island Jessica grew up on is in danger of becoming a watery grave. She and her new über friends are the only ones who can stop a devastating tsunami. As the race against time begins, she’ll need the help of self-assured Solen Winthrop. While battling his own demons, he will teach her how to use her gift. But her lesson will go beyond the classroom when she also learns to follow her heart.

    Meanwhile, apocalyptic weather strikes, time runs out and the price of fulfilling her destiny has just gotten higher. In the ultimate test, Jessica will have to decide between everyone else she loves and her mentor.

    Best described as a forbidden love meets The Day After Tomorrow, Soul Choice is a contemporary YA Paranormal novel, in a series of three, complete at 77,000 words.

    As a member of Romance Writers of America, including specialty chapters of Young Adult
    RWA, Long Island Romance Writers and Dunes and Dreams Romance Writers, I’ve earned my PRO pin and guest-blog for LIRW, contributing articles for publication in their newsletter.

    Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

  4. The name change made me stop and go back, too, and I also wondered how the first sentence impacted the rest of the query. Not that it’s not interesting and pertinent, just seemed a little out of place.This also stopped me…”when the price of losing him is at stake”. It seems conflicting. Losing him would seem to BE the price for saving the world, yes? Maybe? You’ve gotten excellent advice – best of luck to you!

  5. I looked at the new query you posted. Interesting story premise. Although I like all the parts of your story, I’m not sure if they flow together smoothly between each paragraph. I do like how you sum up the stakes at the end of paragraph 3. I like your title, word count is perfect. Good luck:)

  6. Gimme more. I need a little more information to grasp what this story is about. You have a great bio and your writing associations tell me you know what you’re doing and you’re likely an accomplished writer. A little more information about the story itself would kick this query to the next level.

  7. Yes, I agree, there’s not enough here. The second query has it all but is a little too long, so you’ll need to find a place in between. Ugh, I know how hard this is. I’ve done it over and over. Enough but not too much. That’s a hard point to find. But the story sounds great and with your creds, I know you’ll you’ll get it.

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