Dear Nicole,
Sixteen-year-old Zadie’s first mistake was telling the boy she liked
she could bring her dead sister back to life. Her second mistake was
actually doing it.
When Zadie accidentally messes with the Reaper’s Rite that should have
claimed her sister Mara, things go horribly wrong. Mara isn’t the same
anymore—Zadie isn’t even sure she’s completely human. And now Zadie
must figure out how to defeat her sister’s Reaper or let Mara die …
this time for good.
My young adult urban fantasy, MY SISTER’S REAPER, is complete at 65,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Dorothy Dreyer
Jamie Ayres 
I’m unsure about addressing agents by first name. I always do last name, but that may be personal preference.
I love your first lines, though. It hooks me in! And then we learn Mara’s a zombie, wonderful! However, this line (the obstacle) made me pause:
“And now Zadie must figure out how to defeat her sister’s Reaper or let Mara die …this time for good.”
Zadie knows she brought her sister back wrong, so why is she fighting the Reaper? If she succeeds, is that the outcome she’s looking for (having a zombie sister)?
Good luck with this. I’m already intrigued 🙂
Short, sweet and to the point. I like it! The only thing I’m wondering about is whether or not the boy who prompted her to do this features at all in the rest of the story– is he a protagonist as well, or is he just a catalyst?
Anyway, this is really cool. 😀
Beautiful. Well done. (And if the boy doesn’t figure into the story, change it to ‘telling someone’.) Excellent query!
I LOVE the 1st couple of lines! Hooks me right in. Zombies are all the rave, so this story should do well. I agree with the 1st name business but that’s minor. I get that she takes a dare and it goes awry but I’m having a bit trouble figuring out the heroine’s character ARC, inner vs external conflict. Maybe, you can consider fleshing that out a little to give the reader a better sense of the main character. Good luck 🙂
Love it! I also want to know more about the boy . . . especially like the title, just hooks me:)
Thanks, Jamie! 🙂
Very strong opening paragraph. It was the perfect hook. Great title, and just the kind of book that is fun and marketable. Can’t wait to read!
Now this is what a short query should look like. You seem to have gotten it all in so few words. Wish I had that skill! And it sounds very interesting, too. Just make sure you always address a letter respectfully with Dear Ms. or Mr.
Thank you, Nancy. I’m sure you have that skill, you just have to hone it. And actually, I’ve read many agent interviews where they state not minding being addressed by their first name – what ticks them off is if you start with Dear Agent, spell their names wrong, or use someone else’s name entirely. I’ve gotten many full and partial requests and I always use first names. 😉