Query Entry #16

Dear Nicole Resciniti,

When Lyn sets off on her supposedly uncomplicated and unromantic cruise, she never dreams it will include pirates. All the 25-year-old Colorado high school teacher wants is to forget that her dead fiancé was a cheating scumbag. What she plans is a vacation diversion; what fate provides is Braedon, an intriguing surgeon. She finds herself drawn to him: his gentle humor, his love of music, and even his willingness to let her take him down during morning karate practices. Against the backdrop of the ship’s make-believe world and its temporary friendships, her emotions come alive.

However, fear is an emotion, too. Unaware of the sensitive waters he navigates, Braedon moves to take their relationship beyond friendship–on the very anniversary Lyn came on the cruise to forget. Her painful memories are too powerful, and she runs off in a panic.

Things are bad enough when the pair finds themselves on one of the cruise’s snorkeling excursions in American Samoa. However, paradise turns to piracy when their party is kidnapped, and Lyn’s fear of a fairytale turns grim. Now she must fight alongside the man she rejected, first for their freedom and then against storms, sharks, and shipwreck.

 A CHANGE OF PLANS is an adventure romance at 92,000 words. I currently serve on the board of the Utah Valley chapter of the League of Utah Writers and am the social director for the iWriteNetwork.

Sincerely,

Donna Weaver

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9 comments on “Query Entry #16

  1. Good premise. I would make the first sentence stand alone as that’s your hook and then you get into more backstory. I’d also include why you chose this agent specifically.

    Good luck!

  2. I was stoked when I saw pirates but it isn’t mentioned again until later; the first line makes me think the story is kitchy/funny, but then there’s a now-dead cheatin fiance. And then a surgeon… what about the pirates?

    Maybe move up more pirate detail to incorporate it more, or add that in later. It’s a good hook, you should keep it, but it needs to match the tone of the story too. I think you could remove paragraph #3 entirely.

    You have a great start! It’s so hard to sum up everything in a succinct pitch. I give you a credit for sharing your query, best of luck!

  3. Love the premise (who doesn’t enjoy a good cruise/pirate story, right?) . . . but I was also wondering, what about the promised pirates? until paragraph #3. Maybe just move things around a little? I know, so easy-HA! Believe me, I know the pain! Good luck:)

  4. I was hoping Braedon was the pirate, at first.:-) If it were me, I’d leave off mentioning them until they really show up, closer to the end. Also, I don’t know if it’s pertinent to the query why Lyn is attracted to him – think it could be cut, as well as some of the emotional stuff. If she’s there to forget a cheating scumbag dead fiance, I think it’s a given that she’s emotional.

    I would certainly read this book – cool premise! best of luck to you!

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