Query Entry #15

It’s hard enough being seventeen, but when your boyfriend’s a were-panther and your mom’s dating a soul sucker, things can only get worse. Pandora has seen ghosts since she was a kid. She’s a veil walker and she can bring back the spirits of the dead, but why would she want to do that? She has enough trouble getting rid of the ones stuck on this side. One annoyingly perky ghost wants Pandora to find her killer. Her boyfriend, Joseph, doesn’t like the idea, but Nancy can get pretty pushy when she wants something. The crafty killer figures out she’s on to him and drags Pandora to his killing grounds in the woods. Will Pandora suffer the same fate as his other victims or will she discover the true strength of a Veil Walker?


6 comments on “Query Entry #15

  1. Make sure you frame your query as a letter. This needs to start with Dear Ms. Resciniti. Additionally, there’s no framing to tell me much about your book details. What’s the title? The wordcount? How does it compare to other books on the market? Why did you choose this agent specifically? Your query is your introduction to an agent, showing who you are, what your book is, and why the agent wants to request pages.

    Good luck 🙂

  2. The story definately sounds interesting to me . . . just read more like a pitch rather than a query. I know a lot of people were in a hurry to send it in to make the first 20 though. Feel free to revamp and paste a new one in the your own comment below:):)

  3. I think you have the majority of a good query here – just need a little formatting and polishing. 🙂 And my favorite site is Query Shark for query advice – Janet is awesome and pulls no punches. Get this narrowed down to what’s on the line for the main character and why, then the rest is gravy!

    Good start, and best of luck!

  4. I would suggest more information here. Title, genre, word count. Also there are a lot of supernatural elements, but not quite enough information to link them together. Can you develop this a little more? You probably have a spectacular story on your hands and you want the query to reflect that.

  5. I love a shot query, but this is a bit too brief. And yes, your query should be a formal letter. It is a business proposal, after all. The story sounds very interesting though. And hey, a perky ghost named Nancy? How cool for me!

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