Query Entry #19

Dear Nicole,

Thirteen-year-old wannabe novelist Elena doesn’t care about school, only her stories. Of course they never come true… until she writes about the class bully getting detention. Coincidence? Elena doesn’t think so after she writes that the secretary has to go to the bathroom, and then he rushes out like he’s about to wet his pants. Everything she writes with her new pen comes true.

But then the pen writes a story darker than any of Elena’s about a mystical fantasy land being overrun by demons. Only it’s not just a story. A demon crosses over to Earth, kidnaps her family, and hides them in the Land of Imagining. Elena will do whatever she can to save them, but it’s not as simple as writing a happy ending. Whenever Elena uses the pen, someone turns into a demon, and she could be next.

ELENA’S PEN is a 66,000-word upper MG fantasy novel with series potential. Readers of Michael Ende’s THE NEVERENDING STORY and Philip Pullman’s HIS DARK MATERIALS series will enjoy my book.

I am the author of a fantasy romance trilogy, Kingdom of Arnhem – Woman of Honor (2009), Knight of Glory (2010), and Champion of Valor (2011) published with Desert Breeze Publishing. Fourteen of my short works have appeared in various anthologies, including Mertales by Wyvern Publications, and many collections by Pill Hill Press, with one more to be published later on this year.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Nicole Zoltack

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11 comments on “Query Entry #19

  1. An interesting twist . . . I’ve read many stories where the stories we read come to life but I don’t recall ever reading one where the stories we write come to life. Oh, if only Hogwarts could be real;) I like the demon aspect and The Land of Imagining! Would appeal to my middle schooler for sure:)

  2. It’s probably personal preference, but I wouldn’t address an agent by first name only (Title and Last Name for me). I like the premise of this a lot!

    Some minor suggestions:

    “Of course they never come true… until she writes about the class bully getting detention.”

    I’d rephrase to follow the action. “Of course they never come true… until she writes about the class bully getting detention three hours before he does.”

    “But then the pen writes a story darker than any of Elena’s about a mystical fantasy land being overrun by demons.”

    I’d rephrase to take out Elena. “But then the pen writes a story about a mystical fantasy land being overrun by demons.”

    I love the universe you’re creating with this book. Good luck! 🙂

  3. Very cool premise Nicole. One thing I am wondering though, is when the pen writes the story about demons, is it writing it with Elena holding the pen or did it write it on its own out of Elena’s control?

    • Elena’s holding the pen but the pen controls her hand so the pen wrote about the demons, not Elena.

      Maybe I should change the line to be – But then the pen writes of its own accord about a mystical fantasy land being overrun by demons.

  4. Great query. Tight, to the point, and enough detail to grab my attention. I like this. There have been some “magic pen” “magic books” and other “words become world” books done before, but with the right voice and delivery this could be very marketable.

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