Query Entry #20

 

Dear Ms. Resciniti,

Skylar Karras wants only to enjoy life with his new bride and the child they’re expecting, but when his wife falls victim to a stranger’s greed, he’s forced to bury them instead. Now all Sky wants is revenge. His brother, Nick, is well-connected and suggests a sadistic plan: grab the woman responsible and hand her over to his colleagues—sex-traffickers inSan Francisco’s Russian Mafia. They offer Sky more than he dreamed possible. In exchange for the woman, they’ll finally let his brother leave the business for good—with his debt wiped clean and his heart still beating.

There’s just one problem: Sky kidnaps the wrong woman.

Now he must protect Hannah Maguire from the very men he’s mistakenly set upon her. Bound in a fragile alliance, Sky and Hannah go on the run, but the Russians seize Nick, holding him as leverage to force Sky to complete their deal. Caught in a no-win situation, Sky must find a way to save himself, his brother, and the woman, but with the Russian Mafia, even two out of three makes for very long odds.

THE MISTAKEN is a psychological thriller of 93,000 words told from three points of view. While it is a plot-driven tale of betrayal and forgiveness, it is also a character-driven odyssey of transformation as the protagonist attempts to reclaim the decent man he once was within the villain he’s become. It might appeal to fans of Jennifer Hillier’s Creep and Greg Iles’s Turning Angel and Sleep No More.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best Regards,

Nancy S. Thompson

http://nancysthompson.blogspot.com/

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11 comments on “Query Entry #20

  1. I like the set-up for this. I’d clarify that the stranger was a woman early on because it gave me pause when they set out to kidnap a woman. Also, perhaps make clear what the three POVs are (best guess is that it will be Skylar, Hannah, and Nick?)

    Good luck with this!

  2. Hey Nancy, since I first read this query I thought it would be a great read. The only problem I could pick up is in the first paragraph, I feel like it might be too much information in that paragraph. And then it leads into the second paragraph about Hanna, but the first paragraph didn’t mention her name before. I wish there were some way to put together that the brother will help, but that he needs help too.
    I hope that makes sense and maybe helps. Either way, I think the book sounds excellent!

  3. Wow, this sounds intense!

    I do think you need a little more detail about the stranger’s greed so I’ll try to suggest ways to tighten the first paragraph so you have room to.

    Skylar Karras only wants to enjoy life with his wife and the child they’re expecting, but when she falls victim to a stranger’s greed, he’s forced to bury them instead. Now all Sky wants is revenge. His brother, Nick, suggests a sadistic plan: grab the woman responsible and hand her over to his colleagues—sex-traffickers inSan Francisco’s Russian Mafia. The mafia offer Sky more than he dreamed possible—in exchange for the woman, they’ll finally let his brother leave the business for good—with his debt wiped clean and his heart still beating.

    I had also been thrown that the stranger was a woman but that could be clarified when you go into more details about the stranger’s greed.

    A very solid query.

  4. You have a lot of sound suggestions/comments, but I wanted to just say, you hooked me at this line:

    “There’s just one problem: Sky kidnaps the wrong woman.”

    The rest plays out really well. I like the idea that Sky wants revenge for his family, but I admit I also felt the revenge was a bit extreme… so I am with the others about needing to understand this “stranger” better. We see and read stories where victims want to see the murderers die, but to exact out a more elaborate and torturous plan might need a little extra clarification.

    This feels like a strong query overall. Thank you for being a model for us!

  5. Interesting. I love thrillers. The description of the three characters while necessary to the plot was a little confusing. I think you have a solid premise, but with three POVs my concern becomes delivery. The plots intertwine, obviously, and I have the feeling this makes for a fantastic climax, but in submitting this, I would recommend trimming this a bit, just for clarity. I’d love to see a few chapters and the synopsis of this. I’m intrigued by the premise, and if you can pull off this 3 POV plot, it might be spectacular.

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