Query Entry #21

Dear Ms. Resciniti,

Mina Bevins hasn’t leaked any magic like the other girls, earning her the status of weirdo in the world of witches. When her thirteenth birthday passes, and she still lacks any power, the Coven Seer looks into the past for an explanation and discovers Mina’s not really a witch at all. She was switched at birth with another baby in the mortal world hospital.

Somewhere there’s a young witch leaking magic all over the place, exposing the witch world. Since secrecy is essential to keeping them from persecution, the coven decides the only way to ensure it remains safe is to track this girl down and remove her powers.

As someone who just learned she will never be the witch she yearned to be, Mina can’t bear the idea of stripping a person of her power on purpose. With the help of her magic friend Porter, Mina runs off on an adventure to find the other girl before the coven does, setting in motion a course of events that will alter Mina’s life in the witching world forever. 

At 67,000 words, sWitch is middle grade low fantasy about loyalty, friendship, and perseverance, bringing to life a matriarchal world of witches hidden among humans.

I am a marketing consultant and maintain a blog that gives advice to writers as they build their platform. I am also a member of SCBWI.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

Laura Barnes

LauraBWriter.blogspot.com

 

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13 comments on “Query Entry #21

  1. I really like your concept and your query. It’s a nice twist on coming-of-age witch stories and I like the switch-at-birth angle. The query is very well written, gives me a clear idea of who your characters are, why I should care about them and what will happen if they fail Great work!

  2. I LIKE this premise!! I’d definitely want to read it. I almost feel like starting it with “Somewhere, there’s a young witch leaking magic all over the place, exposing the witch world….” gvies it more of a hook, while weaving the 1st paragraph in somehow. But great idea 🙂

  3. I love the premise and the title is perfect!

    The only change I would suggest is to tighten this sentence: Since secrecy is essential to keeping them from persecution, the coven decides the only way to ensure it remains safe is to track this girl down and remove her powers.

    to something like

    Security is essential to protecting the witches from persecution so the coven decides to track this girl down and remove her powers.

    • I was going to mention the same thing even more pared down:

      Since secrecy is essential, the coven must track down the rogue witch and remove her powers. (then same paragraph): Mina can’t bear the idea of stripping another girl’s powers, so with the help of her magic friend Porter, Mina searches for the girl before the coven can, setting in motion events that will alter Mina’s life in the witching world forever.

      I found your blog (Laura) b/c of your pitch awhile back (maybe Write on Con?). Love the title sWitch.

  4. Hi Laura! I think it sounds super cute and relative to today’s market. I wasn’t clear why Mina would want to help this girl or what’s at stake if she doesn’t… but other than that, I say Bravo! And obviously you’ve already got a request, so it is working!!! Congrats!

  5. I remember reading this query before too, and it sounds just as fun the second time. I loved witch books as a preteen (even though I’m normally not really into fantasy creatures), so I probably would’ve loved this one too.

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